《生活大爆炸》Sheldon经典语录

“我不是疯子，我妈妈带我去检查过。”(I am not crazy, my mother had me tested.)谢尔顿(Sheldon)的这句台词曾让无数观众捧腹大笑。“当我第一次看到这部剧集的时候，我就承认已经上瘾了。”(“When I first saw the show, I admit I found it to be a little bit overdone.”)一个名为克雷格•拜恩(Craig Byrne)的31岁编剧于2009年9月在《生活大爆炸》的粉丝网站悔老散上这样写道。

1.Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

嗯,今天我们尝试手淫是为了钱。

2.Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun’s apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

是的,它告诉我们,你参与的群众文化有个错觉,以为太阳的视位置相对于任意星座的定义你的出生，在某种程度上影响你的人格。

3.You did not break up with Joyce Kim She defected to North Korea.

你没有与乔伊斯金“分手”。她叛逃到北碧氏韩。

4.Ah gravity, thou are a heartless bitch.

啊,地心引力,你是一个无情无义的婊子。

5.Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.

向我解释一个组织系统,在那里一盘扁平餐具在沙发上是有效的。我只是推测,这是一个沙发,因为有证据表明咖啡桌上有一个小车库出售。

6.I am truly sorry for what happened last night I take full responsibility and I hope it won’t color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover

我真的对昨晚发生的事情感到抱歉。我承担所有的责任,我希望它不会影响你对伦纳德的看法,他不仅是一个好男人,而且我听说,一个温柔而周密的爱人。

7.At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

只是你现在还能从含陆燃烧的废墟里找回装满对她美妙幻想的黑匣子，好好分析下数据你就不会再坠入呆子谷。

8.I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

听着，我认为你能跟Penny做爱的几率跟哈勃太空望远镜发现在每个黑洞中央都有个小人在用闪光灯寻找断路器的几率一样大。

9.There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.

酒精加上她一时糊涂总有可能让今晚成为浪漫之夜。

10.There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

如果那该死的死亡放射线能用我就不会挨打了。

11.Photographic is a misnomer I have an eidetic memory as I’ve told you many times, most recently last year at lunch on the afternoon of May th You had turkey and complained it was dry.

“图像式”用词不当。应该是高清图像式记忆，我说过好几遍了，最近一次是去年月日中午午餐期间，你吃了火鸡还抱怨太干了。

12.It might also interest you to know that Wil Wheaton currently ranks sixth on my All-Time Enemies list, between director Joel Schumacher, who nearly destroyed the Batman movie franchise, and Billy Sparks, who lived down the street from me and put dog poop on the handles of my bicycle.

也许你们会想知道威尔惠顿在我的永远的敌人名单里暂排第六，排名就在差点毁掉蝙蝠侠系列电影的导演乔舒马赫和比利斯派克之间，他住在我家后面一条路上，曾经把狗屎放在我自行车的把手上。

13.In the words of Khan Noonien Singh in the immortal Wrath of Khan, He tasks me, he tasks me and I shall have him From Hell's heart I stab at thee!

引用不朽的《可汗的愤怒》中可汗努尼安辛格的一句话“他让我受难，他让我受难，我要和他较量到底。我度尽劫波，刺出复仇之剑。”

14.Silence! How much longer must I wait for my revenge?

肃静!还要等多久才能了却我的复仇夙愿。

15.So my path to satisfaction is blocked by Lonely Larry and Captain Sweatpants? Very well, they must be destroyed!

这么说挡在我复仇之路上的只剩寂寞拉里和休闲裤队长吗?好极了!非摧毁他们不可!

16.Wheaton! Wheaton! Wheattooonnnn!!!

惠顿!惠顿!惠顿!!!

17.Actually, the risk of throat cutting is very low On the other hand, severe string burn is a real and ever-present danger

其实，割到喉咙的风险很低。另外严重被线擦伤才是真实且经常发生的危险。

18.If you’re interested, I also know all about frying meat that isn’t chicken as if it were chicken.

如果你感兴趣，我还知道所有似鸡非鸡的炸肉排的相关知识。

19.I grew up in Texas Football is ubiquitous in Texas There’s pro football, college football, high school football, pee wee football, in fact every form of football, except the original, European football Most believe it to be a commie plot.

我可是在德克萨斯长大的。橄榄球在德克萨斯无处不在。职业橄榄球，大学橄榄球，高中橄榄球，初中橄榄球，事实上，所有种类的橄榄球都有除了最原始的欧式橄榄球。而大部分德克萨斯人认为这是共产党阴谋。

20.If you’d like, after the game I’ll take you outside and teach you how to shoot close enough to a raccoon that it craps itself.

如果你想的话，比赛后我还可以带你出去，教你射会自己便便的浣熊。

21.Maintaining five friendships promises to be a Herculean task, so I'm going to have to let one of you go.

维持五个朋友的友情太困难了，所以我要开除你们其中一个。

22.They have Twizzlers instead of Red Vines No amount of lumbar support can compensate for that.

他们的吸管糖是Twizzlers牌而不是Red Vines牌的。座椅再怎么舒服也于事无补。

23.I see no large upcoming expenditures, unless they develop an affordable technology tofuse my skeleton with Adamantium like Wolverine.

我没预见到近期会有大笔开支，除非他们发明了一种我负担得起的技术，把我的骨骼和亚德曼金属熔合在一起，就像金刚狼那样。

24.I was wrong Minstrels will write songs about you There once was a brave lad named Leonard with a fie fie fiddle dee deeHe faced a fearsome giant while Raj just wanted topee.

我错了。吟游诗人会为你写歌的。有个勇敢小伙名叫Leonard，个子小小毫不起眼，他英勇地去找巨人要钱。Raj一旁吓破了胆。

25.Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful -- and I'm betting she never hit you with a Bible because you wouldn't eat your brussels sprouts.

你妈妈头脑敏锐，逻辑严谨又富有见解 -- 我肯定她不会因为你不吃芽甘蓝就用圣经痛打你。

26.You were lucky When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my own electrodes.

你太幸福了。我小时候要想做脑电图，电极都得自己带上。

27.In bladder voiding, as in real estate, it's location, location, location.

排尿同房地产界的金科玉律一样，位置决定一切。

28.That is my spot In an ever-changing world it is a simple point of consistency If my life were expressed as a function in a four-dimensional Cartesian coordinate system, that spot, at the moment I first sat on it, would be....

那是我的专座。在这个不断变化的世界里，这是不变的一点。假设我的生命用一个建立在四维直角坐标系里的方程来表示的话，这个座位从我坐上那一刻开始就成为了(,,,)。

29.Excuse me, but the problem is not solved If your head had been accidentally amputatedand we transplanted a dog's head in its place, would that be 'problem solved'?

抱歉，但问题并没解决。如果你的脑袋不小心被截掉了，安个狗的脑袋在上面，这叫‘问题解决“吗?

30.Focus is important Was Michael DeBakey a wedding planner in between heart transplants? Did Alexander Fleming moonlight as a hairdresser? Thanks for discovering penicillin -- now how about we try a bouffant?

专注是很重要的。迈克尔德倍基(心脏手术创始人)做心脏移植手术之余做婚礼策划吗?亚历山大弗莱明午夜会变身理发师吗?”谢谢你发明了青霉素 -- 来个蓬蓬头吧”。

31.She's my guest. If anyone should offer her anything, it should be me. Elizabeth, can I get you something? Perhaps a feminine hygiene product, or a bowel regulating yogurt?

她是我的客人。要招待她的话也该由我来吧。伊丽莎白，我能为你效劳吗?你想要女性卫生用品还是调节肠道的酸奶?

32.Oh, Penny. This is Dr. Plimpton, a leading expert on quantum cosmology. Dr. Plimpton, Penny is a waitress who doesn't understand the role gasoline plays in an internal combustion engine.

佩妮，这位是普林顿博士，量子宇宙论权威专家。普林顿博士，这是佩妮，一名不理解内燃机需要汽油做燃料的服务生。

33.Roommates agree that Friday nights will be reserved for watching Joss Whedon's brilliant new series, Firefly.

室友同意在每周五晚上观看乔斯.威登最新导演的惊世力作《萤火虫》。

34.The apartment flag is gold lion rampant on a field of azure.

公寓旗帜是一头在天蓝色背景下两腿站立的狮子。

35.I'm here because you violated our roommate agreement, specifically Section Eight, 'Visitors', sub-section C, 'Females', Paragraph 4, 'Coitus'. Roommates shall give each other twelve hours' notice of impending coitus.

我来是因为你违反了我们的室友协议，确切来说是第八部分“宾客”里的c小部分“女性”里的第四段“交媾”。在进行交媾之前，室友需要提前12小时通知对方。

36.I assure you, you'll be sorry you wasted your money on an iPod, when Microsoft comes out with theirs.

等到微软出了自己的播放器，到时你就等着后悔吧，把钱浪费在一文不值的苹果机上。

37.Yes, in 1917, when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper Zur Quantentheorie der Strahlung, his fondest hope was that the resulting device be bitchin'.

1917年，当爱因斯坦在他的文章《关于辐射的量子理论》中阐述了激光的理论基础时，他最诚挚的希望就是最终的仪器和很他妈的帅。

38.When one gets beaten up every other day in school, one of necessity develops a keen sense of hearing. Incidentally, one can get beaten up in school simply by referring to oneself as one.

隔天就在学校挨揍的某人必然会进化出更敏锐的听觉。而且在学校挨揍的某人通常都把自己称为“某人”。

39.It’s a time of day I invented. It better defines the ambiguous period between afternoon and evening: prevening. Fairly certain it will catch on, as it fills a desperate need.

是我发明的描述时间的方式，更好地定义了个模棱两可的时段，下午和晚上之间，就是傍晚。我确信因为急需精确描述，这词定会广为流传。

40.In a few minutes, when I gloat over the failure of this enterprise, how would you prefer I do it? The standard I told you so with a classic neener-neener? Or just my normal look of haughty derision?

在几分钟后，等我幸灾乐祸地冷眼旁观着本次相亲的失败，你们更愿意我怎么做?是标准答案，“我早说过会这样”?还是经典的“哦也哦也”?还是用我平常那副高傲嘲弄的表情?

41.Since I rarely hug, I’m relying on your expertise as to the duration.

我不怎么抱人，要抱多久就听你的。

42.You know, the more I think about it, the Mobster Sauce couldn’t possibly contain chunks of mobster. It was listed under Seafood.

知道不，我越想越觉得强盗酱里不可能包含丰富的强盗肉。它被归在海鲜里。

43.I’ve seen the [w]underbelly of Pasadena, this so-called City of Roses and it haunts me. Ah, the injustice. I lie here awake, tormented, while out there evil lurks. Probably playing Donkey Kong on my Classic Nintendo.[/w]

我目睹了帕萨迪纳市的阴暗面，这座所谓的玫瑰之城，如今阴魂不散，罪恶横行，毫无正义。我被痛苦折磨，辗转反侧，而邪恶四处潜伏在外，可能正霸占我的经典任天堂玩大金刚呢。

44.My new computer came with Windows 7. Windows 7 is much more user friendly than Windows Vista. I don’t like that.

我的新电脑装了温7系统。温7比维斯塔更容易上手嘛。这我可不喜欢。

45.I don’t need sleep, I need answers. I need to determine where, in this swamp of unbalanced formulas, squatteth the toad of truth.

我不需要睡眠，我需要答案。我要找出在这个充满不平衡方程的沼泽中是什么阻碍了真理的蛤蟆。

46.Don’t be absurd, that’s in Washington. You know I can’t live in a city laid out in a hub and spoke pattern.

你傻的啊，那可在华盛顿。满大街车声嘈杂的城市我可待不了，你又不是不知道。

47.I asked myself, what is the most mind-numbing, pedestrian job conceivable and three answers came to mind: Toll booth attendant, Apple Store Genius and what Penny does. Now, since I don’t like touching other people’s coins, and I refuse to contribute to the devaluation of the word Genius C here I am.

我问我自己，我能想到最讨厌最沉闷的工作是什么，有三个答案浮现在脑海中：收费站工作人员，在苹果专卖店工作的天才还有佩妮的工作。现在，既然我不喜欢碰别人手里的硬币，也不想帮着“抹黑'天才这个词，所以我来了。

48.There’s an economic concept known as a Positional Good in which an object is only valued by the possessor because its not possessed by others. The term was coined in 1976 by economist Fred Hirsch to replace the more colloquial but less precise ‘neener-neener’.

在经济学里有种概念被称为地位商品，他只有在持有人手中才能彰显其价值因为其他人无法拥有。这个词由经济学弗烈德.赫希杜撰于1976年用来取代更口语化但并不准确的”哦耶~哦耶。

49.Help me out. Which ski cap says après-super-collider?

帮我参考一下，哪顶滑雪帽比较像超级对撞机?

50.I’ve lived up to my commitments under the agreement. At least once a day I ask how you are, even though I simply don’t care. I no longer stage spontaneous biohazard drills after 10 pm, and I abandoned my goal to master Tuvan throat singing.

我一直遵守着协议里的所有义务。每天至少问候你一次，即使我一点都不在意。我没有在晚上十点后进行生物危害演习了，我也放弃学习图瓦喉唱了。